Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday

                                   What do you wish for your Well-being? 

Jamie Ridler ask in this weeks Wishcasting.

I am having a hard time with this one as I do not know what I want for my well-being. Or maybe that is not true maybe I'm just not ready to voice it. 

I feel just in writing this that I want to eliminate my anxiety over the future, the unknown. To change my thoughts to positive and eliminate negative energy, to be confident about my decisions to realize that it will all work out in the end the way it should. Well I guess I do know what I wish for my well-being. May all our wishes come true as I start my new life here in Upstate New York.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday

What fun do you wish to have?

It will be short as I'm going to sleep & need to be up with the sun in order to make good time tomorrow. The fun I wish to have is easy. Fun in every activity my drive w/my son and fun @ all our stops. Fun when I finally get to my new home where my BF awaits. Fun in learning how we are going to really live together and finally fun in love & especially in creating my photographs & paintings. I wish to have fun w/my life. Thanks Jamie Ridler for wishcasting wednesday!

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday

                 What do you wish to Nourish? 

Jamie Ridler is at it again, we are the makers of dreams and the tenderers of wishes, I like that and I am believing it. She asked this week what do I wish to nourish.

I wish to nourish my soul. I have found that my soul is in great need of nourishment. Almost to the point of starving, more spirituality in my life and more truth and trust and peace. My spiritual practice has been lacking and I'm really feeling it. I have been painting, photographing, collaging, writing and packing but not meditating and not doing my usual gratitude practices. Even my Facebook statuses have been rants where before I was positive and thankful. Feed my soul and it will nourish my ENTIRE life and creativity can bloom, which means I bloom. This is what I wish for myself.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Welcome to Nate Berkus Day!! June 14th, 2010

  The Nate Berkus Show launches September 13th!

We are celebrating Nate Berkus's new show and highlighting a few of my favorite products. 

I love this chair but in bella pink bling so crazy cute if I had a walk in closet this chair would be my center piec and i'd lounge in it and have my leather tray resting on this. 
 of course it's sold out at HSN. Its the most Glam, fly, girlie, sexy, stylist, glamtastic, fabulous ottoman I have ever seen and it belongs in my girlie pink and leopard walk in!! Oh lets face it if Nate Berkus designs it, I love it! 
Peace out and don't forget "The Nate Berkus Show" Premieres Sept. 13th! Lets all show our love and watch it.  

Saturday, June 12, 2010

A day of painting packing and relaxing. I finished my American Flag and spent time looking for my title for my 97 dodge neon. No luck but I did go through 2 drawers and clean those out. Lots to do but slowly its happening and I have to realize that my car is small and can only hold so much. So what do i absolutely need for the next month. Besides my art supplies and clean underwear.

Go USA!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Doing things differently

Preparing for change, life altering change. I am moving in just over a week & I am scared to death. There I said it its out there. I am not even close to being ready & have procrastinated with the best of them.
This is such a huge leap for me to take a chance like this completely different everything in my life will change its scary but its something I need to do. So do it I am! Are you ready for me?

Day 2 of 215800

Day 2 215800,

I’m still, a day behind and I don’t think I will catch up. Its okay its still part of the community and I even got an email and some more twitter followers. I think I can get into this stuff. Workshops, craft classes, photography dates and blogging reaching out to a community that wants to share joy happiness and success. There are many things out there and I’m glad this is the type I have found. I want positiveness to surround myself in joy, happiness and positive feelings. To be creative and fulfilled a life being lived to it’s fullest.

2 years ago I discovered my passion. It was something I had stopped doing about 20years ago because of fear. I was afraid I would never be good enough and I couldn’t compete w/other real photographers so I stopped taking pictures and let life get in the way. Instead I focused on filling the void w/food, men, shopping and wanting. I was never satistfied how could I be when I was denying who I was and what I loved and wanted. I had squelched my passion because I was afraid. Seriously I was never going to be a professional photographer/artist. I wasn’t Annie Lebowitz. Vogue and National Geographic weren’t going to hire me. I didn’t even apply to the art institute. I became a travel agent which I hated the job but I sure did love to travel. True that was another passion for me but not the same as I denied the main one and have hardly any photos of my travels in my 15years of traveling. I wanted to be a travel photographer any kind of photographer. I wanted to travel, photograph and write about it photo journalist. Always be gone. Not home working a corporate job even though it was travel it wasn’t fun travel it was corporate travel boring. Desperate for a boyfriend but no idea that desperation wasn’t attractive. Myh girlfriends in my early 20s were few. I was anti-social except on a trip. I spent every dime I had on either a trip which was good for me because that was the authentic me or on shopping clothes and shoes which yes it was a girlish pursuit but in my case it was to hide and camoflage the real me.  I shopped so much I got into very bad credit card debt, which took years to escape out of. I thought if I was cute enough thin enough liked what boys liked I could get a boyfriend. That was not true, I just got laid a lot, which in the long run was not good it just becomes slutty and that brings a whole other list of issues. Its like the more I denied my passion, my authentic self, the more problems I created in my life. I was living a life of lies only I didn’t realize it because, I was believing the lie. That I wasn’t good enough, it was a lie, a bold face LIE!!

Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten hired as a National Geographic or Vogue or photojournalist but without ever trying I would never know. Aimlessly living without any knowledge that I had control of my life or that I could make things happen that I had control. Don’t get me wrong I had some great times great moments but when the clouds parted and the angels sang. It all came clear. That I was incharge and I was good enough and I could make it happen. Happen it did I wanted to change things, some situations in my friends lives caused me to think, “things have got to change” I discovered podcasts about positive thinking I bought A New Earth and The Secret and started journalling again. In one day at work making a list of things that I liked to do. Trying to discover a way to not work a regular job and I wrote 2 words together southwest photography and that was it. I started crying and I just said thank you. I knew I had found it after all these years. I also knew I was denying my true self, happiness and joy.  I found my 20 plus year old camera bought film and planned a trip and had the time of my life. I didn’t feel the urge to shop for clothes over eat or spend and I was nice to my husband.  Its like everything fell into place. The more I photographed the happier I was and the more things I accomplished. I wrote out a list of goals that I wanted to achieve and many came to pass. I show work at a gallery my photos have been published in 2 blogs and I won 2 ribbons. It is amazing what has happened and even more amazing what will happen. I have only just begun.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

21 * 5 * 800 day 1 for me, a day late joining.

I joined a community that is doing 21days of 800 words a day and yoga 5 times a week so here are my 800 words. I started a day late. So here goes, this is my 800 words. I’ve already written that twice. Does that count. I’m not really a writer per se but I will write and journal away. I’ve gotten more into visual journaling lately so not so many words. I’ve been journaling for a long time but not lately. Anyhow I’m trying to think of what to write and what to talk about but I’m blank. It’s definitely not the morning pages like the Artist Way where you have to hand write 3 full pages every morning for 12 weeks as a way to bring you out bring the artist out. Oh by the way, my puncuation is horrible so excuse me to anyone that reads this.

I am having a hard time thinking about what to write and also using the s for an a. Very annoying!  I found this from Lis website which I found on Jamie Ridler’s website Saw the badge and thought hmmm I’ll check it out and see what it was. Wish I was a writer or had a plan. I just noticed I don’t have a wishcasting badge and I really should put one on my blog as I regularly participate in Wishcasting and not much else. I mean I read blogs and tweet and facebook of course but this wishcasting is the first thing I’ve regularly done besides the artist way I mean. I always plan on doing workshops but never get around to signing up and also I never want to put out too much money for things that aren’t clothes purses and camera equipment or art supplies. My new thing of late art supplies and I totally want a new camera but haven’t and shopping for clothes, shoes, accessories, purses, and makeup come when I am dealing w/a lot of stress. I was very stressful dealing w/my son of late because he stopped attending school and I noticed I was trying to avoid being home and shopping for clothes, shoes, accessories and makeup as a way to make me feel better. My boyhfriend Rich saw it right away. He said I wish you were doing it for me but I know why you are. Yeah sometimes I’ll buy a cute something or other to look pretty or cute when we go out but mostly that stuff is to fill a void. Honestly I could  go years w/out buying anything to wear on my body and still be fine and pretty current.

Well that was a tangent, about my habits of dealing with stress. When I pursue my artistic endeavors I tend not to shop at all or not nearly as much. There are times when I will actually say no to my mom when I am in the photographic fulfillment zone. When I am in Joy mode. Honestly it has been a little while since I’ve been there but I know it will come back everything is a cycle. Back to getting more into these pursuits. Wishcasting is first and now this 21.5.800 and I’m thinking about doing Kimberly Wilson’s Joie de Vicre E-course. I did one of her telecourses I still have my picture of the petals on my board. When I discovered my passion and wanted to change my thinking and be more positive she was one of the first podcasts I found on I-tunes. I’m still listening 2years later snd honestly from 2 years ago when I started on this path her and Dr.Wayne Dyer are the only 2 who I kept. I have discovered so many great inspiring and creative people through her that it has really changed my life for the better. Wow its like tangent town here with me. I want to take her e-course but my issue is I will be moving literally driving across county when it starts but that should be okay right?

Okay I obviously found stuff to write about. Finally right? My paper journal is sitting there looking at my in all its college ruled glory saying write here already. I feel as if I’m cheating on it because this computer can give me a word count and I know I will stop too early by hand. I’m that way. Yoga is next I have a nighttime yoga video that I really enjoy, I love the idea of 15minutes of corpse pose trick is to concentrate on my breathe. Good luck right! Hey I just noticed I lost 2 followers on twitter. Okay I know I can’t believe I even noticed or cared enough about it to write it. Wow really Yolanda! Okay this was some serious rambling about nothing but its okay because I just passed 800 words so I’m out

Just finished my Yoga wouldn't think that would be hard but it was, my left knee was not cooperating. More tomorrow w/pictures. 

21 * 5 * 800

now this looks like a challenge.

I am a day late but I hope I'm not a dollar short. I will start my writing now but in the journal form not on my blog that will be reserved for later. Very excited just loaded my badge so away I go. I will update on twitter and my blog when i do each activity.

Wishcasting Wednesday

What leap do you wish take?

Jamie Ridler has asked us another question this wednesday.

I wish to take a leap of faith, I know not very original but my leap of faith involves a cross country move from southern CA to upstate NY. I have a place to live and a man waiting but no job just a promise and some unemployment. As I pack up another box and head into the garage I realize that faith is all I can have at this time. What a big leap! I want to be ready.

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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

My 1st mixed media

I love it because its ny 1st sitting here talking & cutting & then layering & painting. I love love love creating using this method. Loving the acrylics. Next time adding fabric & stamping.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Mindful Monday

Calm Budha in the mist of artistic chaos.

As I ready myself for my mother in laws funeral I am slowly taking my time. Being very mindful of this morning. Of what it means to me & my husband our marriage & his family.

We don't live together my husband & I, we never have. Our entire marriage we were separate but on our fourth anniversary I made it official and no longer allowed him to stay over. I cited being apart not having a home together & not being part of his family as my reasons. I did not have a relationship with his mother Mary Capo. He asked me never to contact his family without his permission so I never did I thought I was honoring his wishes and being a good wife. It took me 4years to realize that by doing that I was not being a good wife. It hurt me which in part hurt my marriage and caused me to hurt my husband. Its funny the things you pick and choose to do in order to think you are being a good wife. I was not nice to him most of the time I was very frustrated but I would go through periods of happiness & clarity and be okay with our life but most of the time I wasnt. We had a very
unusual marriage we thought we made our own rules but I realize that as you can do that the tradtional rules also apply & we yearn for those traditions even as we try to break them. During this time I discovered my passions photography, golf, yoga, medition, art, roadtrips, hiking, camping, nature. Many people thought I discovered them with his support all of these came as distractions for me so I wouldn't get upset or angry at him because we were not together we did not share a life. My accomplishments and hobbies were always mine alone and most even the ones he enjoyed he never participated in them with me. So today I will don my black dress my wedding rings & drive to the church and standby my husband as his wife for all my mother inlaws friends and family to see some for the 1st time and the last time and say yes she was a great lady & I was happy to know her. I will smile and be
supportive and realize that I am done and I will never compromise myself to appease another person even a husband ever again. I was always very vocal in my marriage but it was never heard. A person cannot be in a relationship with someone who cannot hear them. Mindfully building a new chapter in my life a calm budha & artistic chaos.

Friday, June 4, 2010

A wash of Gold

I love gold & silver, I'm truly a metalics kind of girl so my little crayon drawing now has a gold wash over it. I am really enjoying creating this week.

Creative Friday

While in Spanish class there was a huge box of crayons & colored pencils so I had my New Moon mini journal from 2moons ago. So finally I finished the cover. I'm having so much fun!! We even went to McDonalds @ lunch. Really loving the time w/my son & really impressed w/all he has to do in these classes.

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Blissful Friday

Happy blissful Friday Hello Kitty says so. Time for some journaling during English class.

Another day Focus Faithful Friday

Yes day 2 of school w/my son. I'm really enjoying this & so thankful to have this opportunity to attend school w/my son. It is an opportunity that so few parents have especially in High School. The Universe is full and abundant & I am thankful.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Thankful Thursday

In US History class w/my son watching Schindler's list. I'm attending school w/him because he doesn't want to go. He feels its wasting his time. Its not what he wants to do. He wants to study Slavic languages but not finish Jr. year. Yeah okay we will see about that. Just finish & pass is all I ask. He scored a 1330 on his SAT so we will see. I'm prepared for the long haul kid try me. So here I sit thankful that I am able to spend this time to do this.

I am thankful for so much, my son my dog my boyfriend Rich who is kind sweet & patient w/me. For @wishcasting wednesday for @abccreativity, for tranquilista @KimberlyWilson, @LisaSonoraBean, @JoyRebel, for my paints & learning mosiacs, my journal, my new paints, my great camera, my Grandotote from @Xochico & my mom & my crackberry & most of all for my New Moon intentions. Thank you!!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday

What do you wish to know?

I wish to know what my truth my path. Am I going the right way? I had a wrench thrown into my plans that were coming along nicely last night & it made me think & toss & turn. Will love prevail over money? Even the kind of money that can allow me to pursue really big dreams or will love, true love w/way less money but togetherness prevail. I wish to know my path... I wish to know....